Never Forgive
by vickih
Summary: this is a very sad and depressing piece done as a prompt fill. "What if Daryl had sex with someone else and Carol did not forgive him?" Set before season 4.


Never forgive

**Hi all! This is a prompt request fill for my friend and fellow writer Muthrwalker. It is a Caryl story but it does not have a happy ending. The prompt was: what if Daryl had sex with another woman because he didn't think he was good enough for Carol and she DID NOT forgive him?**

**This is what I came up with. I normally only write happy Caryl stuff and this was a bit of a challenge, she liked it so much she wanted me to post it. If it touches you in some way please leave me a review to let me know.**

**This is a story of unrequited love, betrayal, sadness and the inability to forgive. **

**Which kind of how I'm feeling towards the writers of the walking dead who own these characters..**

Daryl sat next to her grave clutching the letter Rick had given him moments before. Hesitantly, he reached a hand out to the cross he had carved for her, afraid to touch it, to make this real.

_When did it all turn to shit? How could I lose her?_

Memories of that fateful day 5 years ago crashed into him.

He had been watching her, he always watched her. She was doing laundry in the old wash tubs, laughing and talking with Beth and Maggie. He had loved her for so long, but just didn't know how to tell her. He wasn't good enough for her; he knew that. She was beauty, grace, gentleness, LIFE... everything he wasn't. He wanted to be with her, hold her, and tell her all the secret longings he had.

Images of them together, bodies merged (finally), her calling his name, whispering words of love crowded in. He felt his body stir, these images were his favorite for relieving the tension.

He stepped away from the building and headed to the showers, knowing no one would be there at this time of day. Entering the shower room, he walked over to the last stall, stepped in and closed the curtain.

The images of her breast, her hips, her neck came faster as he lowered the zipper on his dirty pants. Freeing himself, he leaned back against the wall and started to stroke himself... Her name falling from his lips.

As he was working himself, he didn't hear the door open or the quiet footsteps that drew closer. The curtain whipped open and there stood some woman, he didn't really know her name. She smiled at him and reached over.

"I know you don't want me, I know who you want. Let me help you, please, I just need to feel something, anything. You can call me her name. I don't want a relationship, I just want to feel. Please…" she whispered in a broken voice and she began to caress him.

Daryl closed his eyes as her mouth wrapped around him, pulling him in deep. Carol was embedded in his mind, he could pretend this one time, let someone else do this for him, call her name.

The unknown woman's mouth began to move faster as his grunts became louder, Carol's name punctuating the room. He spoke words of love for her, wanting her so desperately.

_Almost there_, he thought, _that's right baby, GOD CAROL!_ His voice echoed throughout the room.

He heard a gasp as his eyes snapped open.

There she stood eyes glassy, her heartbroken choked cry muted.

The woman on the floor quickly pulled away, ashamed. This is not what she wanted; she never wanted to hurt the kind woman who had done so much for her, for all of them.

Carol turned and ran out of the room as Daryl quickly followed.

He caught her near her cell, grabbed her arm, tried to talk to her.

"Carol it's not what you think!" he shouted.

Her quiet voice answered back "Not what I think? Meg didn't just have your dick in her mouth? So what was that then?"

Daryl felt panic rising in his chest. He should just tell her, tell her everything.

"I know I'm not good enough for you, but I love you! I've never loved anyone like I love you! I want us to be together, please Carol, it's not what you think!" as each word was spoken, his voice got louder and more desperate. He needed her to understand, to forgive. He needed HER.

Carol looked up at him, "So you're not 'good enough' for me and you love me?"

Daryl felt a bit of relief at her words. "Yes I love you! She doesn't mean anything; I was calling your name, pretending she was you. I want to be with you." He reached to pull her to him but was shocked when she skillfully dodged his arms.

"She didn't mean anything and you were calling my name? You know you're right Daryl; you aren't good enough for me. I don't need this in my life again and I don't need you." Her eyes flashed with something deadly as she turned and walked away.

Daryl finally noticed they had an audience watching this play out, but he didn't care. He was losing her. "Carol, I love you! Come back, we can make this work! Please come back!" His voice cracking as he finished. She never stopped, just kept walking until she was out of sight.

Rick, having heard the whole mess came over to his friend, "Daryl, you got to let her work this out. I know you love her, but what you did… I think you just need to give her some space. Michonne and Maggie went to see her. They'll bring her back."

Daryl's head hung low as he nodded, tears slowly falling from his eyes.

Rick guided the hunter back to his cell and had him sit down.

**NEVER**

Time passed as it always does. Days turned to weeks, to a month.

Carol wouldn't talk to him. He had tried to catch her alone, but she never was alone. Michonne, Maggie Glenn, Beth, even Carl and Hershel kept him away from her.

He was reduced to watching from a distance, his heart breaking for his lost chance. His arms desperate to hold her.

At one time, he saw Meg walk over to Carol and speak to her. Carol listened and nodded at the woman, but she never once glanced at him.

Carol gave Meg a brief hug and turned back to her chore.

Daryl watched Meg walk towards him, hoping for a sign of forgiveness.

Meg stopped and looked at him "I wanted to let you know how sorry I am. I tried to talk to her and tell her what happened. I told her you really did love her, but … I'm just sorry, Daryl. I never meant…"

"What did she say?" he asked, desperation dripping from him.

"She said she understood, but she…well, she said she was forging her own life now and wished you well." Meg didn't have the heart to tell the obviously broken man that Carol had made it clear her love for him had died that day in the shower room.

Daryl looked up, hoping to see Carol's blue eyes on him, to see her smiling towards him.

He realized he hadn't seen her look at him in a months' time. Her eyes that could bring such peace, such hope to his heart were gone. He also realized she would never look at him again. He had lost his best friend and the love of his life for a blow job.

Taking a shuddering breath, Daryl walked to the gate and left the prison. He needed to be outside, to get to the forest. He needed to think of ways he could fix this.

**NEVER**

More time passed and her eyes never found him.. He watched as she began to look to Rick. He watched as a bond formed and grew. He watched as he lost her for good the day they got married.

Daryl had pulled away from everyone and everything. If he wasn't hunting or killing walkers he was hiding in the shadows, watching Rick and Carol (HIS CAROL) live their lives. He watched as Carl began to call her mom like Judith did. He watched as casually Rick would lean in and kiss that neck that haunted Daryl's dreams, or those lips he would never feel on his.

Daryl hardly talked to anyone anymore. Some of the women would try and make a play for him, but he would growl, shout insults , or just be such a dick they would leave him alone. He had made his choice and he would wait until she forgave him.

Years went by, 1, 2, 3, and still he watched. He no longer lived in the prison, preferring to live in one of the towers where he could see her. He had found that if the moon was at the right angle and Rick had not closed the curtain all the way, he could see Carol and Rick make love. He waited for those times, pretended it was him. Sometimes he would sneak inside and listen to them while he stroked himself, whispering his words of love and devotion to the wall. He wanted to hate Rick, but he couldn't hate someone she loved.

Year 4 came and went... He was now a phantom, a shadow of a man. All he had left is his need to watch her.

On the day she became sick, Maggie took pity on Daryl and came out to let him know how she was. His voice rusty from disuse he begged them to let him see her. Carol was told he was outside the cell, but refused to see him. At her refusal, the others wouldn't let him enter. Daryl camped out outside the cell, hoping for a glance at her, to hear the sound of her voice, some signs of forgiveness and love.

The moment Carol stopped breathing, a howl raged through the prison. Daryl was broken, it was only at that moment he was allowed to go into the room and see her. He scooped her up into his arms and ran outside with her.

Rick held the others back saying Daryl needed to do this. The others didn't understand why Rick allowed the other man to take his wife's remains until Rick told them it was always supposed to be Daryl and Carol at the end.

Daryl sat in the grass, the stars shining down on them and bathing Carol in an ethereal glow. His words of love flowed as fast as his tears. He finally, finally got his chance to kiss those lips. Gently he pressed his lips to hers, sliding them to her neck. Her skin was quickly cooling but he didn't want to let her go. She was in his arms at last, where she should have always been.

Morning came as Daryl sat his vigil over his love. He would be the one to end her reanimated state… none of the others came close, but they watched him to make sure he actually put Carol down a second time. When her body began its second life, Daryl took his knife and plunged it into the back of her head. He didn't want to disfigure her face. He wanted to continue to hold her and look at the woman he loved.

With one last kiss, he looked up and nodded to Rick. It was time.

Daryl ran to his tower while the women cleaned Carol up for her funeral and grabbed the cross he had made for her. Engraved on it was a Cherokee rose, Sophia and his names carved into the stem.

He held it to him as the tears poured down his weather beaten face.

Rick came to him when it was time and helped the man to the grave site.

They all spoke of what a wonderful friend, mother, and wife she had been. Rick talked about second chances at love and how she had made him whole again. Carl talked about the wonderful mother she had been to him and Jude. Glenn, Maggie, Beth, Hershel each took their turns singing her praises. Michonne surprised them all by singing a lullaby they had all heard Carol sing at one time or another. Afterwards, Michonne talked about how they had bonded as sisters and that Carol would always remain a part of her.

When it was Daryl's turn, he could barely stand. Rick had to support him. The only words he could push past his lips were "I love you".

The others left at the end of the service except for Daryl and Rick. Daryl, having fallen to the ground, was unable to move or help as Rick fixed the cross on her grave.

Rick turned to Daryl "Look brother, I'm sorry for your pain. You need to know she did love you, but couldn't get over what had happened. I did my best to make her happy for the last 4 years partly for you. She left something for you. It's a letter. I don't know what it says and I don't ever want to know what it says." Rick gave Daryl the letter and with a one pat on the shoulder moved to leave Daryl alone with this message.

Daryl's voice called over, "Did you love her?"

Rick stopped and without turning replied, "Yes, I loved her and she loved me. It wasn't how she loved you and we both knew it, but she did love me."

Rick walked away after that.

**NEVER**

Daryl sat near her grave for the rest of the day, her letter clenched in his hand. As it neared night time, Glenn brought out a lantern and set it near the other man. He clasped Daryl's shoulder and walked away.

Daryl decided he needed to get his answer, did she ever forgive him?

He flipped the letter and unsealed it:

_Daryl,_

_If you are reading this then I guess I have passed on. I don't know where to start except to tell you I'm sorry I could never forgive you. I loved you for so long and had wanted to be with you, but seeing you with her killed something in me. Everything I had fought to overcome took over once again. I knew then I would never be "your Carol". She died that day in the shower room, just as "MY Daryl", the Daryl that would never hurt me, that would always protect me died that same day. _

_I know you watched me, wanting me to forgive you, but I was afraid to. Who's to say you wouldn't have done it again. _

_You need to know that Rick made me very happy these last few years and I am forever grateful to him for his love. He rebuilt what you destroyed. _

_Would we have had a happy life together? Yes, we could have. I have avoided thinking about what our lives could have been like if we had been together because I didn't want to hurt Rick or myself any more._

_Now that I know my time is near the end, I can think about it. I would have loved you like you deserved. You would have been cherished, nurtured, you would have been MY everything. _

_It should have been us together, me and you… it was supposed to be me and you._

_I hope you find a way to forgive yourself in a way I was unable to. That other Carol, she still loves you and still thinks you're a man of honor. _

_Live well,_

_Carol_

Daryl reread the letter several times. His heart breaking even more with each pass.

She didn't say "Stay Safe" she didn't love him, she didn't forgive him, but she didn't wish him harm.

Daryl laid down next her grave, knowing this would be his final resting spot. He would never leave her again.

**NEVER**

The next morning, Rick walked to Carol's grave and was unsurprised to see Daryl laying there. Knowing what he would find, he walked over to his friend and gently turned the stiff body over.

Daryl had died during the night, Carol's letter still clutched in his hand.

Not knowing how much time he had left, Rick slipped the blade of the knife in.

Rick decided they would bury Daryl in the same grave as Carol's. She had been his wife and had been a great wife to him, but he knew Daryl and Carol would always be a part of each other.

He called to the others, who were also unsurprised to find the shy hunter had died during the night. They had expected it. Quickly and efficiently they reopened the grave and gently laid Daryl next to Carol. Glenn and Maggie ran and grabbed a few of his things from his cell to put with them.

No one really spoke this time around, all knowing it was better this way. While Carol had managed to make her new life without Daryl, he was unable to make his without her.

Rick was once again the last to leave the site... He placed his hand on the cross and whispered "I hope you two find your way to each other in the next life and I wish you luck".

With that he returned to the prison and prepared to move on to the next stage of his life

Carol and Caryl on!


End file.
